I’ve been more than a little overwhelmed the last few weeks!
Thought I should give a little update on where I’ve been and what’s been going on..
The first week of October my Midget had a gym class accident at school and fractured his right knee cap. After countless hours in the local clinic and hospital we were sent home with orders to stay off his leg and take tylenol. We had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon at Children’s Hospital in Little Rock for the next day.
The ortho decided it wasn’t as bad as he expected but Midget would need to wear a cast from his upper thigh to his ankle for the next three weeks. Damn that’s been a fun filled adventure all on it’s own. We go back to Little Rock on the 16th to find out how it’s healed and if he will need surgery or more time in the cast.
We lost my favorite Auntie on October 4th. After almost five long hard years of battling her multiple cancers she passed away quietly in her sleep at home in Kentucky. I’m still not sure how to handle her passing. Mentally I prepared myself years ago when they told us to come say goodbye as she wouldn’t make it through the night. I spent a year driving back and forth from the cancer center and her home in Kentucky then home on the weekends to Arkansas to see the midget. When the news came I had just completed my certification for CNA and used the skills to take care of my aunt.
My aunt and I were like best friends. She and my father could have been identical twins had it not been for the year in between their births. I look and act just like my father whom in turn looks and acts just like his older sister, they are both the carbon copy of my grandfather. Strangers thought we were mother and daughter. We did so much together despite the 6+ hour drive between our homes. I miss her terribly and feel so much guilt because I’ve been within a hour of her home several times over the past year and since I was always in a rush or tired from the work related trip I thought ahh I’ll pass on visiting and stop by next trip.
Next trip never came. I was always too busy, too tired, too much in a hurry this past year. I feel like complete utter shit! Her passing was sudden and unexpected. She called the week before to share the great news with my dad that she just bought a new car. Laughing as she explained that thanks to the steroids her bones were so brittle that both ankles were in casts so she had to get a KIA as the pedals were spaced farther apart.. She was preparing for the up coming Cancer Walk that she’s raised money for and walked in for the last few years. Her grandbabies were doing well as were my cousins. No one expected the call that we lost her just a week later.
I’m dealing but in my own weird Mindy way..
Losing my Auntie has given me a new outlook on my own life. Since Katy and I decided to stop smoking I feel so much better. I have more energy and I am doing more than sitting tied to this computer.
Tuesday our limit for the day was 14:
I smoked all 14 of those bastards and was craving more but stuck to my guns.
Wednesday our limit was 12:
By the 11th smoke that evening I was not feeling the love for them I normally do.
Thursday our limit was 10:
It was a lot easier today! Normally I smoke the entire cig from tip to filter to get every bit of nicotine goodness. Thursday though it was hard to smoke the entire cigarette without a complete head rush and virtigo.
Friday our limit was 8:
I some how misscounted and thought I was still on 10 for the day. After talking it over with Katy I’ve decided to stick with 10 for a few more days. At 10 I can function like a normal human. Others are not fearing they will draw back a stub instead of an appendage if they get near me. My verbal skills suck at this point and I am showing the mental capacity of a 2 year old but I’m smoking less than half the amount each day I started this project at.
Saturday I maintained my limit of 10. I will probably stay with 10 a day until Wednesday. I have a trip back to Little Rock for the ortho clinic with the Midget. Daddy-O will be with us and he smokes like a freight train on car trips. I don’t think my sanity will survive 3 hours each way with a limit under 10.
On a bright note our rule to smoke only outside the house has been great! However I am cleaning a TON more than I thought I would as now my nose actually works correctly and I can smell all kinds of hidden dirt.. LoL Daddy-O even started smoking outside at his place and my mom is really loving that!
Hope everyone has been doing well and I really do apologize for not updating sooner.
Tags: Cancer, Smoking, Broken Bones, Children’s Hospital, Little Rock, Arkansas, Death, Grief
