I’m unsure if death has a name. But I do know it’s approximate location.
In My House - In My Head - Deep In My Chest
Yes my friends, I’m afraid that death in the form of the most twisted and sadistic cold ever has invaded my home and taken up residency in my chest!
Thursday I felt yucky.. Not sick nor congested just a weird burning in my nose and throat. I described it to Katy as that funky smell, taste, feeling you get when chlorinated pool water goes up your nose. It burnt like hell..
Friday night Ash calls home. What do we want for dinner and can he stop by the drug store for me? Hell yeah you can Baby!
I ramble off a short list, he gets pissy at having to make a list.
- Nyquil Gel tabs
- Vicks Vapor-rub
- Vicks Menthol Flavored Nasal Spray
Spare no expense I’m dying and by god something has to allow me to breathe tonight!
He comes home I am still in a stupor from my last Nyquil dose found in the kitchen cabinet from last year’s terrible cold. I slather the vapor rub on my neck and chest in true old lady fashion. My how sexy I am, unwashed hair, yesterday’s jammies and covered to the brim with vicks vapor rub.
I spray the nasal spray and for a second I can breathe. I can not smell the vapor rub. Nor can I feel the familiar tingle as it usually kind of burns a little on the skin. I can though for a split second taste the menthol I just shot up my nose true coke whore style, from the nasal spray..
I walk about the house for a few minutes covering my face and trying not to breathe on anyone. A box of tissue under one arm and a roll of ultra soft charmin under the other. I alternate back and forth my nose hurts so bad I’m thinking about just squirting lotion into my hand the next time I sneeze. Messy yes but oh it would feel so much better on my poor bozo the clown nose.
I feel better for a bit and call Katy or maybe she calls me I have no clue. We discuss designs for our newest Kiss My Code client and I venture back to a land without internet for the rest of the night. It’s storming here and my satellite internet is down again, {Thanks Hughes}.
To bed I go! My nyquil is wearing off.. Death has come back and I can’t drink anything, taste anything, or even eat small bites of food. When I try closing my mouth to chew I can’t breath and end up gasping for air. Focker this man I’ll go hungry!
Few hours later I’m up crying like a school yard bitch being forced to eat worms and dirt in front of the other kids.
H - O - N - E - Y!!
A S H L E Y!!
Oh hell, M I D G E T!
K A T Y!!
Some damn body come help me please….
I can not for the life of me tear open the bubble blister wrap on my new nyquil. I feel alone and deflated and just want to get the focker open so I can drug myself back to sleep with some yummy nyquil goodness.
Ash finally appears gets the wrapper open, tells me to quit being a baby and hands me the unwrapped nyquil. I gladly suck them down and try to lay in bed and watch tv. WTF? No tv the rain storm has knocked out the satellite tv reception too.. Okay fine pop in a dvd and set it to repeat. Sleep please come now.. I beg, now!
And you know what it NEVER FOCKING CAME!
Some jackass has taken out the best ingredients of my Nyquil rendering it completely useless. Some one get me a soapbox to stand on and bring on the nation coverage media outlets. By god son some one has to pay for this. I live in the south between Memphis, Louisiana, Mississippi and my shit hole Arkansas I know how easy it could be to find meth. But who the hell makes meth with liquid or gel tab nyquil. I’m almost willing to bet not many. Don’t they umm use the hard tablet form of crap that they can crush up?
This morning I drag my sorry butt out of bed and to the computer. Ashley knows I complain like no other on the planet. But can tell this is not just another Mindy isn’t getting her way temper tantrum. I’m miserable and just want to get dressed enough to walk next door and lay on my Daddy’s sofa while he rubs my back and my mom waits on me hand and foot. I’m sick by god I want my parents!
So we google..
Google looking for an over the counter my lazy wife isn’t going to the doctor form of cold medicine that still contains the good stuff nyquil took out!
Tylenol Severe Congestion Cold & Flu! We have a winner.. Ash is off to our small town drug store to hunt it down. With instructions that should he not find it at the pharmacy counter to beg Mr. Jerry our pharmacist to give him anything that still contains the good stuff. If all else fails and the drug store is a bust. I plan on calling James at the PD, to find out where in our little town can I score some meth. I will feel better some how today one way or the other.
Actually ya know I wouldn’t go buy meth off the street, they would have to do home delivery I’m still in my jammies ya know.. But if Ash is unsuccessful then he was instructed to go to the liquor store and purchase Peppermint Schnapps or Jagger Meister. Ahh any one want to share in the misery? I don’t mind giving big hugs and licking your face to spread the love!
- Mindy
Supposedly cloud cover doesn’t effect satellite reception, but I’ve discovered it to be the opposite. Cloud cover seems to disturb any kind of reception that isn’t being delivered through a cable.